To Be Free: Four in the Morning

Four in the Morning

Dan Patterson and I began writing a lot of songs together.  We began one summer at Camp Undulata. We usually had time in the morning to create, while the campers were with the counselors who taught them how to ride.  This was one of the first songs.  I don't really remember.  I know that I was inspired by having written a letter to a girl that I had a crush on before the summer.  She finally wrote back, and it wasn't reciprocal.  Still, instead of being crushed, I was strangely happy. I had been so nervous, and scared, and the worst had happened, and the world hadn't ended.

At any rate, Dan and I sat in a Cabin and we began to turn the chords into a song.  I think the rain idea was influenced by the fact that in the cabin protected only from the elements by screens, you could literally feel the rain.  So if you were sad, and it was raining, you felt the rain and the sadness as one.

This song really has a rich history, because Dan and I played it with John Weiss when at showcase for my junior year.  By that point we were in a band (Downpour, see above).  I think this is what the song might have sounded like if we'd practiced more than once a week for an hour and a half.  In addition to not practicing, we didn't always agree on the direction of the band.  This was the song that kind of started our band.  See, Dan and I recorded us playing this song, and played it for John, and he really liked it, which was a bit peculiar, because John was into hardcore.

While there's nothing particularly brilliant about this song, there's something about it that resonates decades later.  I don't think it's nostalgia, but that may play a part.  The first time I rediscovered the song was when I was living with my band Satori.  It had been a challenging year.  I was living in a log cabin addition with no heat.  I remember sleeping with a wool cap on my head.  My relationship with my girlfriend at the time was tumultuous, and I had discovered that the other guys in the band were going back to school, and no one had bothered to tell me.

Well, I had a four track, and I began recording a bunch of songs, and this ended up being one of them.  Something about the rediscovery brought me back to that point when I was 15.  The song always finds me in moments, where I need to move from a sad place to a happy place.  It found me again this Summer as I rediscovered it.  Something about the last chorus lifts me out of the rain.  I hope it brings as much joy to you as it has to me.

Four In the Morning (C) by Dewey Kincade and Dan Patterson

It's four o'clock in the morning,

As the rain falls down,

I can see it gently falling,

As I look across the town,

The rain is gently tapping,

Against my window pain,

I can here her quietly calling,

Calling out my name

Rain on me,

Let the rain fall on me,

Rain on me,

Let the rain fall on me.

My mind begins to meander,

On days gone by,

Laying upon my bed,

No strength to even try,

I wonder why I failed,

To make the right choice,

It pains me to think,

Of the sound of her voice

Rain on me,

Let the rain fall on me,

Rain on me,

Let the rain fall on me.

The rain is waning and the clouds begin to lift,

My thoughts of yesterday,

Begin to drift,

As I look outside my window,

The clouds are gone,

The sun beckons me,

To search on

Shine on me,

Let the sun shine on me,

Shine on me,

Let the sun shine on me.

To Be Free: Questions of the Heart

The key (for me) to writing a good song is that it must be true.  It doesn't have to be literally true.  For me, it was often the feelings that were true.  I mention this, because this song has pop song content- love, right?  But it is in a folk song structure- AAAA.  There's no chorus here.  That usually tells me that I wrote this, because I had to.

Is it rain falling or tears?
Is it thunder or your fears?
Is that smile a hiding place
To hide your soul from your face?
Got your back against a wall?
I'll be there through anything at all.

Tell me where does the time go?
Oh, will we ever know?
And it seems like I've been here before,
And I know that I'll be here some more,
I know my wish won't ever come true
But that's all I'm left to do.

I've been lost so many years
The answer's never been quite clear
I've been lost without a sign
Someday I'm gonna make you mine.

It it rain falling or tears?
Is it thunder or your fears?
It's been so long that I can't tell
Oh, I guess it's just as well.

This song is interesting to me, because I tried to cultivate the persona of someone who knew some things.  I used to like to think that I was pretty smart.  But it was a persona.  I wrote this, because of my crush that I couldn't do anything about.  I was too scared.  Nothing made me more nervous than feeling something for someone else.  I was a late bloomer, so I didn't have any experience with how to talk to girls.  In my mind, I had this idea that they would somehow find me. And yet, I knew that would never happen.  So I simply carried this weight around with me, and the song ends on a note of resignation.

When I produced this song, I wanted to capture that feeling of a crush.  The song soars to a climax in the third stanza.  That's the moment where you imagine the possibilities.  There's a person, and they're so close. You see them every day, and yet with one touch you enter a whole new world.  But the song doesn't ever get there.  It's just a promise, and the promise falls short.

On a side note, there is a through-line in these songs.  A side plot of sorts.  There's something about the rain that captivated me.  In fact, when I think back to when I was writing these songs, I wanted to call my first album Something About the Rain. I still think it's a great title. I just didn't have any pictures that fit.